


Ibidem

by EgoStorm



Series: Al1 [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, ghost! au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 09:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EgoStorm/pseuds/EgoStorm
Summary: In which Seokmin keeps running a maze without an end and Soonyoung is the one to find himInspired by DK's Alone Trailer





	Ibidem

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning, while there are no characters deaths in the story, there is a death-like mourning due to the nature of ghosts. If that sounds like something you would like to avoid, please do. Otherwise, enjoy!!
> 
> Thank you, dear Adelin, for being a wonderful admin of Soonseoknet and for running this fic fest (and for giving soonseok the love they deserve)
> 
> Indonesian version [here](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12888046/1/I-B-I-D-E-M) translated by AFF user drone_beehive

 

The warmth of the day had faded and the cold of the night fell upon the house, and just before dawn, when the day was coldest, it was too cold to stay in slumber. The thin and uncomfortable bed sheet didn’t help, and Soonyoung ended up waking up from his light sleep. Though conscious, he kept his eyes closed in hopes that he might fall asleep again, curling himself in more tightly to preserve warmth, but when a few minutes passed without him drifting off, he gave up the idea. He squinted his dry eyes as he turned on his phone to see the time, which read at about 5 am.  _ Too early _ , he thought, for him to start the day. He heaved himself up, tossing his cheap, stiff comforter aside and looked around the room, feeling strange waking up to the bare and unfamiliar scene. There were large boxes still unopened by the window and a stack of books on the wooden floor without a bookshelf to reside. The only items that distinguished the room as a bedroom was the bed and a single side dresser, everything else stowed away in cardboard. The downside to moving in so last-minute was that nothing had a place. Not his books, not his belongings, not himself.

 

His bare feet trod across the subtle warmth of the heated floor, making their way to the window. It was a habit, looking outside when he needed calming. It wasn’t from a nightmare that he awoke this time, but he was still uneasy about the move, wondering if it was the solution to his problem. There was no curtain to draw back, so Soonyoung took a glance at his new neighborhood below. Coming from a neighborhood that had more house than green, this new place was almost more characteristic of the woods than a suburban residence. His neighbors were close, but being enclosed in so much shrubbery made it seem as if privacy existed. Or maybe it didn't and that was why so many plants were brought in.

 

Amidst the serene cool-toned view of the morning sunrise, there was movement down the street. A boy was running at a steady speed along the paved road, with a brisk yet controlled jog of someone who knew how to pace himself, showing no signs of stopping. That was, until he made a sudden stop in front of Soonyoung's new house—it was too soon to call a home. The runner hunched over his knees to take a breather before he pulled out a shining silver stopwatch. After taking in his time, he pocketed the watch and went off to run again, slightly faster than before. Soonyoung watched until his figure disappeared along with the curve of the road.

 

~~

 

Soonyoung awoke to a nightmare this time, gasping for breath and damp hair sticking to his forehead, which was not an uncommon occurrence, unfortunately. Being taunted so often before his move, it was almost expected that nightmares would haunt him. They were never exactly the same, the nightmares, but they all had something in common: at the moment before he would be stabbed to consciousness. It wasn’t that being stabbed was a deep dark fear of his, nor did he ever witness a stabbing in real life, but the nightmares were always vivid and graphic to the point that it was terrifying. He always had them since childhood, learning later from his grandfather that they were caused by ghosts. Not because they were deliberately causing them, but because Soonyoung had the ability to see them, being around so many had an effect on his dreams. They were bearable mostly, since they only occurred every so often, but for the past three months, they got worse. The last month had him constantly waking up in the dark, early hours of the morning more often than not, and it seemed there was no point trying to power through them.

 

He thought that moving away from the source would have fixed the problem, so he did, far far away from where he grew up. And yet, there he was again, sitting upright in fear of falling back asleep to the same nightmare. It was only the first though, after a week and a half of moving, which was still a somewhat promising statistic, but if this didn’t help him, he wasn’t sure what he would try next.

 

He turned on his phone, looking through social media even though his feed was bound to be stale, and unsurprisingly, he reached the end of his updates almost as quickly as he picked up his phone in the first place. Tossing the device on the bed, he got up, choosing to look through his window instead. There was just something about nature that was a little more interesting than a screen, even if little was happening. Simply appreciating the essence of nature could keep him occupied for some time, which was nice considering he had a lot of time before needing to be anywhere that day. But something  _ was _ happening. 

 

The boy from before was there, running again in the same place as before. Seeing how the neighborhood was lit up by a mellow light without the sun yet peaking through, Soonyoung concluded it was around the same time as well. Soonyoung watched as the boy stopped once again in front of his window to check his stopwatch, only to continue running again. There was a sort of determination in the boy’s steps, one that sparked admiration in Soonyoung. He wasn’t the greatest fan of exercising, so he respected those who committed so much time to it. Seeing how the boy arrived at a similar time as before, his running must have been a ritual thing.

 

Soonyoung wondered what it was he was running for, if it was for his own happiness or if it was to obtain a goal. He wondered why he was so curious about it.

  
  


~~

 

Instead of a nightmare, this time it was a peculiar dream of a boy who kept running and running but couldn't move an inch. He ran without looking back, stopped to look at his stopwatch, and then he ran once again. A familiar pattern. Soonyoung watched him run from a distance, but for some reason had no mind to tell the boy that was he was doing was futile. That his steps never took him farther than nowhere. That he was running without reaching anything. Soonyoung simply watched.

 

He woke up early, despite that last dream being nothing more frightening than strange. As by habit, he made his way to the window, pulling back the newly installed drapes just in time to see the running boy stop to check his stopwatch. Something in this area must have been the boy’s checkpoint, Soonyoung figured. But why was the boy so conscious of his time? Was his running really a show of determination, or was it instead desperation?

 

It wasn’t the first time he dreamed of the running boy, this dream becoming a recurring one. As the days went by, it became more frequent, and in proportion, his nightmares were disappearing. They weren’t gone yet, but they seemed to be diminishing. At this point he didn’t know if it was due to the move or due to the influence of the running boy on his thoughts. As the running boy visited him in his dreams, however, he turned such that in each dream he got closer and closer to facing Soonyoung. Soonyoung stood where he was, still observing, still without speech. Still. Everything was still except for the boy who ran in place, with no hope of ever reaching Soonyoung. 

 

~~

 

Soonyoung put his fists in his sweatshirt pockets after returning empty-handed from the community mailbox. He didn’t expect anything in the mail, considering he was hours early in checking. No mailman delivered anything at 5 in the morning, but it was an excuse for him to be walking outside his house at such a time of day. He sighed up in the air as he made a slow stride back to his house, one hesitant step at a time, disappointed that it was no longer cold enough for him to see his breath but anticipating that he might see the running boy on his way back, curious of what he looked liked up close. From Soonyoung’s window, all he could make out is a figure. He wanted for some reason to know what he looked like running, what kind of face he was making, how hard he breathed, and if he would look Soonyoung’s way. He stopped briefly to let his hand make contact with the chill air to check the time. If the running boy was on a schedule, it shouldn't be much longer for him to arrive.

 

He could see the pounding of feet to gravel, imagining the sound the impact made without being able to hear it. Though early mornings were quiet, the boy was still too far for Soonyoung to hear. As the boy came closer, still running a steady pace, Soonyoung turned his head, trying not to make it seem obvious that he was watching. As usual, the boy made a stop in front of his house to check his time, and it was then that Soonyoung looked his way a little more plainly. The running boy was in very nice shape, no surprise, but he was also quite a view to look at. With sharp features and a clean hairstyle of a rich brown, gentle yet determined eyes, and a drop of sweat rolling down his jaw, the boy was a sight that made it hard for him to look away.

 

The boy didn't pay Soonyoung any mind, nor did it seem he even noticed him, but he continued his run. The scene in front of Soonyoung seemed usual but with one difference. The boy dropped the bulky stopwatch onto the unforgiving street, not quite able to securely put the device in his pocket. The boy didn’t seem to notice, starting up his run again, moving forward without looking back. Soonyoung was close enough to stop him when he came near. He reached out to grab the boy’s arm to let him know that his stopwatch was no longer in his possession, but to Soonyoung's surprise, when he made a motion to grasp, his hand went straight through the boy's arm.

 

His first thought was that the running boy seemed so determined in a humanistic way, and there was no way the boy was what he thought he was. Soonyoung’s disappearing nightmares were a sign that no ghosts should have been around, that with the boy running past his house every morning, there was no reason he wouldn’t have had nightmares every day if he wasn’t human.

 

Soonyoung gasped, frozen, wondering if what he observed was what truly happened, or if his sleep-deprived mind was fooling him. It wasn’t an impossible theory, that he was simply tired and that his mind was occupied with the thought of ghosts when he thought about his last home, but something told him such a theory was wrong. He slowly turned around, hand still fixed in a grabbing position, to see the boy not ten feet away from him, also stopped to look back, both of them wearing equally shocked expressions. A few bird calls echoed across the wide street as if to prompt one of them to speak up.

 

"Y-you dropped your stopwatch," Soonyoung stammered, wondering if he should have pretended he didn't see anything, that he was just reaching to calm an itch behind his head instead of reaching out to grab the boy, but it was too late now.

 

The boy gaped, more interested in Soonyoung than the forgotten watch, seemingly suddenly aware of where he was. He looked up, left, and right, and then back to Soonyoung.

 

"You..." the boy started. "You can see me?"

 

~~

 

His name was Lee Seokmin, and he was no longer alive, though he was somehow still in this world. He was a regret left behind when his body could no longer support life. He was a ghost, and until the moment he and Soonyoung crossed paths, he had been running. He had been running the same route during the same time of day, running and checking and running and checking, not aware that any time had passed at all between the time he died and now. 

 

He was an interesting case to Soonyoung, who was familiar with more ghosts than he would have liked to have been. Though, Seokmin was the first he knew by name.

 

And his name was not the last thing that he wanted to find out.

 

“Did you run when you were alive?”

 

The ghost tilted his head in thought.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t remember anything about when I was alive. All I remember is my name,” Seokmin admitted.

 

So he was a ghost without a memory.

 

“Don’t you think we should find out? You’re stuck here but you can’t resolve your regret unless you know what it is.”

 

Seokmin fiddled with the zipper on his hooded jacket. The same one he had been running with, and a reason Soonyoung didn’t conclude earlier that Seokmin was a ghost. Had it been summer, he might have found it strange, that the boy was running with a jacket in such heat, but winter had just passed when Soonyoung moved in. Nothing seemed unusual about Seokmin running with a jacket.

 

“That’s probably a good idea, but how am I supposed to remember?”

 

“We just have to pick a starting point and go from there. You were running as a ghost,”  _ almost as if in a trance _ , “so I guess the first question is, why do you think you were running? I mean, you kept checking your time, so…”

 

“I was looking for something. I was looking for an answer.”

 

“An answer?” Soonyoung questioned. “An answer to what, exactly?”

 

“That… I don’t know.”

 

A response so vague wasn’t going to get either of them anywhere, so Soonyoung decided to make do with the resources of modern-day technology. It was possible to find information based on a deceased Lee Seokmin through a quick search, and that was what he did. There were no recent articles that seemed to ring any bells for Seokmin, but there was an article that caught both their eyes.

 

_ Promising High School Athlete Goes Missing Before Finals _ .

 

Athlete. It was a keyword enough, seeing how Seokmin had been running every day and checking his time. It wouldn’t surprise Soonyoung if the ghost used to dedicate his life to a sport. He clicked on the result.

 

The article was written in 1986, bringing upon some doubt in Soonyoung’s mind that it was about the Seokmin that stood before him, but what did he know? Seokmin didn’t know how long he had been running, claiming that he couldn’t register time passing or even his running. It was like he had no conscious mind until Soonyoung reached out to him, so there was no telling how long he had been there. Soonyoung read on.

 

Lee Seokmin was a high school star, according to the article. He was the promising track and field runner worth keeping an eye on, many of his onlookers predicting that he would debut worldwide in the 1988 Summer Olympics. He was well-loved for both his talent and his shining personality, but opportunities were burned down to the ground when he went missing right before the high school state championships. Seokmin, who was anticipated to win based on his record-breaking talent, had vanished, and while some thought he fled from the pressure, it was clear that when he never returned that something had happened to him. He hadn’t been found since.

 

As Soonyoung reported the contents of the article to Seokmin, it was apparent that the events were familiar. By the time Soonyoung finished, Seokmin was tense, gripping his hair in frustration, his eyes squeezed shut and his jaw clenched. He was remembering, it seemed.

 

"I remember, something happened to me. I remember… no. I  _ know _ something happened but I can’t remember  _ what _ . What  _ was _ it?" Seokmin seethed.

 

“Maybe that’s why you’re here? So we can figure it out?”

 

Seokmin released his tension. “That doesn’t make sense. Why would my regret be that I can’t remember it? If I didn’t have a regret when I died, I wouldn’t have become a ghost in the first place, right?”

 

Soonyoung sighed as he attempted to pat Seokmin’s shoulder, forgetting that his hand would pass through as if nothing were there. He retracted his arm in slight embarrassment.

 

“I’ll help you remember. We’ll figure this out together, okay?”

 

“How will I figure anything out? You said the article was from over thirty years ago, right? Any kind of clue would be long gone by now. How would we know where to start?”

 

The passed time did cause a challenge, but Seokmin had all the time in the world, it seemed, and Soonyoung felt more than compelled to help. It was Soonyoung who found him, and it was Soonyoung who helped him discover this much, and it was Soonyoung who had to see this to the end.

 

“We just have to take one small step at a time. We’ll get there.”

 

~~

 

Soonyoung was sitting cross-legged and hunched over a box, a passable desk for an almost furniture-less room. Seokmin stood over him, watching as he scribbled notes onto the cardboard, not knowing where the paper was.

 

“Do you know if you were on anyone’s bad side? Can you think of anyone who might have had a grudge against you?”

 

“I don’t know. No names come to mind.”

 

Soonyoung put a question-mark by that item on the list of things to ask.

 

“What were you doing the day before the finals? Since it must have been right before you died, it would be the freshest memory, right? What is the very last thing you remember?”

 

"I don't know..."

 

Another question-mark by another item.

 

"Did you have any friends who might be able to remember something about the incident?"

 

"I'm sorry, I really don't know anything. I just can't remember."

 

This was a problem. When the victim couldn't remember anything but his name, it was hard to find a direction to start. If only there was a way for him to remember. Maybe they were going about this the wrong way. Maybe Soonyoung should ask more personal questions, questions that he would instinctively know the answer to, before moving on to event-based questions.

 

"So your name is Lee Seokmin. That much we know. How old are you?"

 

The article hadn't mentioned an age, but since Seokmin had been in high school, it would make sense if he was anywhere from 14 to 18.

 

"I'm 17... I think."

 

The answer was reasonable enough for Soonyoung to think that this was the way to go. 

 

"Good, we're getting somewhere."

 

All Soonyoung had to do was keep guiding him through his memories like this. They just had to start from the basics.

 

"What are your hobbies? I mean, aside from running."

 

"I like to run, but I also like to... I don't know. I don't... do I play an instrument? That kinda sounds right. A violin, I think?"

 

"Violin, that could be helpful. Were you good?"

 

"Hmmm, I don't think so. I mean, I turned out to be an athlete, didn't I?" Seokmin chuckled, and suddenly, Soonyoung felt himself want to find out more about Seokmin. Not just to solve the mystery of his death, but to know more about the mysterious ghost who stopped by his window every morning.

 

_ Wait. _

 

Soonyoung paused. Why  _ did _ Seokmin stop by his window? Was there something important about his time?

 

"Can I see your stopwatch?"

 

Seokmin wasn’t phased by the change in topic and readily gave him the device, which was still on and read 37:33. Soonyoung pressed a button on the watch, but when nothing happened, he pressed one that was on the other side. Again, nothing. He started fiddling with the device, turning and twisting and pressing what he could when he realized that it was both the watch and Seokmin that were frozen in time. Seokmin had been running and running in the same manner, in the same pattern, without realizing he was doing something so routine. The timer was never running, either. 

 

“Was there some goal you were trying to reach?”

 

Seokmin took back the stopwatch, inspecting it at all angles. "I think I was just trying to get faster. Better. I think I-"

 

His eyebrows suddenly furrowed, his grip tightening on the stopwatch. "It was because I had to win. I  _ had _ to get into the Olympics because I..."

 

"What is it? Why did you have to get in?"

 

Seokmin hummed, closing his eyes in order to retrieve the memory that was tickling him. He was close to the answer.

 

"I was afraid.”

 

Soonyoung curled his fingers to make a loose fist, knowing he wasn’t able to grab Seokmin’s hand to comfort him. He knew what it was like to be afraid.

 

“Were you afraid of losing what you had?”

 

Seokmin shook his head.

 

“No… I was afraid of the military. If I won a medal, I would have been exempt from mandatory service.”

 

“Oh.”

 

"Was it pathetic of me?"

 

“No.” Soonyoung thought for a moment to justify his answer. "Everyone's afraid of  _ something _ . For you, it was the military. There’s nothing wrong with that."

 

Seokmin glanced up. "Really?"

 

“Mhmm.”

 

He twisted the cord on the stopwatch around his finger. “What are  _ you _ afraid of?”

 

Soonyoung licked his lips, a pushing out a lie as if on cue.

 

"Crickets. I really hate those things, you know. They're just..."

 

He shuddered dramatically.

 

Seokmin's laughter was healing, bringing them both out of their fears. Seokmin smiled and Soonyoung swore that it held more life than any other, feeling regretful that the ghost had become one at such an age. Even though Seokmin was a ghost, Soonyoung couldn’t think of anyone he got along better with. Even though Seokmin was a ghost, Soonyoung didn’t feel the need to escape.

 

Even though Seokmin was a ghost, Soonyoung wasn’t afraid of him.

 

~~

 

"I like pasta... I think," Seokmin suddenly uttered as he watched Soonyoung slurp up mildly spicy convenience store ramen. At this point in time, Seokmin reported anything and everything he remembered to Soonyoung in case of a potential clue, but also so the both of them could learn more about Seokmin.

 

Soonyoung bit his noodles short before swallowing them. "And you call yourself a Korean?"

 

"It's good!” Seokmin retaliated. “And it doesn't sog up as easily as ramen. No one likes soggy noodles. And isn’t it impressive if you cook up pasta for a date?"

 

“A date?” Soonyoung asked curiously as he stirred up his ramen, wondering if his next question was casual enough. “Have you ever made pasta for your date?”

 

“I don’t think I ever dated, but if I did, I definitely would have.”

 

The ghost’s answer made Soonyoung feel a wash of relief, but he tried hard not to show it. It would have been weird if he did, he thought.

 

“Are you sure you never dated? Not even once?”

 

Seokmin looked up as if counting the specks of dirt on the window, his attention then caught by a family walking by the convenience store. "I don't think I ever did. All I had were my parents and…” He watched as a couple passed by while walking a well-groomed Maltese. “My dog! I had a dog! And his... her? Her name was Min. Yeah, that’s right, whenever my mom called out 'Min-ah' we would both come running over. She usually meant my dog, though."

 

"Cute."

 

Seokmin scoffed.

 

"It was more confusing than cute, honestly. But yeah, she was cute."

 

"So,” Soonyoung poked at his egg yolk floating in ramen broth. “You never dated anyone? Was there at least anyone you liked?"

 

“Not a dog person?”

 

“Cats are cuter.”

 

“See, that’s the thing about you cat people, they just can’t appreciate both animals.”

 

Soonyoung laughed. “That was even a thing back then?”

 

“‘Back then’ wasn’t even that long ago. You make me sound ancient, but yes it was a thing ‘back then’.”

 

“In my eyes you  _ are _ ancient.”

 

“Hmpf.”

 

Soonyoung blew into the ramen cup before drinking up the rest of its contents. He cleared his throat when he was finished.

 

“So?”

 

“So what?”

 

“Did you like anyone?”

 

“Back to  _ that _ topic? Uh, I can’t say. No names come to mind, but I can’t say that there wasn’t someone I liked.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

Soonyoung took a bite of kimchi, and then another and another, the spice not enough to burn his tongue off like he wanted it to and he contemplated biting it off himself.

 

~~

 

A proud school stood before them, full of wear and history, and hopefully, answers. Soonyoung wondered why they didn’t think of this before. Perhaps subconsciously, he found Seokmin to be from so long ago that he convinced himself that the school he attended didn’t exist anymore when in reality, it was only a few miles from where he lived. To be fair, though, he hadn’t lived in this city long enough to know the names of the schools that surrounded him.

 

"Do you think they’ll know anything?” Soonyoung asked timidly. Talking to people in official positions always made him a bit nervous.

 

“I don’t know, but we have to try at least.”

 

“Are you ready?”

 

Seokmin inhaled deeply, even though he didn’t really need the air. It made him seem more alive, and Soonyoung knew his mind was getting more and more confused about how alive Seokmin really was.

 

"I'm going to have to find out everything eventually if I want to leave this world in peace."

 

It stung, those last few words. Soonyoung ignored the feeling in order to keep focus.

 

"Let's do this."

 

Talking to the principal was less helpful than anticipated, the current one having been in office two principals after the one in charge when Seokmin attended the school. As Soonyoung questioned her, Seokmin looked around the office with uncertainty, saying that the room didn't seem like the one he remembered. Soonyoung ignored him, knowing the principal couldn’t see or hear the ghost, figuring that his confusion likely came from the office being remodeled several times. He tried to get as many answers as he could, asking her the questions Seokmin voiced as well, but ultimately, they were at a dead end.

 

"Maybe it's not a bad idea to quit. It's probably too late to uncover anything anyways," Seokmin said as he kicked a stray pebble on the track. They kept in one lane, circling the track as thoughts circled Soonyoung's mind, who wanted both to give up and to keep going.

 

"We shouldn't. We're making  _ some _ progress, at least. I don't think what we’re doing is impossible."

 

"But what if it's beyond what we can do? You’re just one person and I’m just one ghost. Don’t you think maybe there’s a reason no one has been able to find my body? I’m sure the police held a search, but they came up with nothing. Why should  _ we _ expect to find anything?”

 

“But it’s different. I have  _ you _ .  _ You _ might be able to remember what happened. You’ve been remembering stuff about your life little by little. Maybe all we need it time.”

 

"You’re right, but… what if I don’t  _ want _ to remember?”

 

It was reasonable. No one would want to remember how they died. But Soonyoung wondered if there was more to his message than just that. That maybe Seokmin didn’t want to remember out because remembering meant he would find out what his regret was and why he was still in this world. Remembering meant that their time together might be coming to an end, and Soonyoung hoped that Seokmin felt the same way that he did. That even though Soonyoung wanted to help Seokmin remember, to the point where he felt it was a responsibility he had to uphold, he really didn’t want to, the reason being as simple as not wanting Seokmin to leave.

 

While Soonyoung was busy in his internal conflict, he caught a glimpse of a figure behind a tree trunk, the shadow disappearing almost as soon as he looked over. He wondered if it was his imagination.

 

~~

 

His nightmare was different from usual. His dream of Seokmin running to him was different than usual. His dream of Seokmin running to him  _ was _ the nightmare.

 

In this dream, Seokmin was running towards him, legs moving hard against the dark backdrop of his almost empty dream, but he wasn’t getting any closer to Soonyoung. This was usual, but this time, Soonyoung was running as well. He ran, panting hard, his feet pounding against the ground he couldn’t see to try to stand in the same place Seokmin was. Both of them held out their hands, stretching their torsos, their arms, their fingertips, but neither was getting closer to the other. They were running in hopes that if they kept at it, they would be able to reach each other. However, it was when Soonyoung noticed he could no longer see the tears running down Seokmin’s face that he realized that he was only getting farther and farther away.

 

Soonyoung woke up in a sweat, the remains of his dream being chased away by the day. He was panting in fear, but he no longer remembered anything of his dream except for the feeling of longing for something he was losing before his very eyes. He looked to the window to see the sun barely up, and Seokmin leaning on its sill. He seemed cautious, not approaching Soonyoung despite looking concerned.

 

"Is it because of me?"

 

He didn’t remember, but it probably was. It could have been late, the effect of having Seokmin around. The effect that the presence of ghosts had on eliciting nightmares.

 

"No, it wasn’t because of you.” Soonyoung didn’t want to say anything that would make Seokmin go away. “Could you come here?"

 

Seokmin hesitated.

 

“Please?” Soonyoung whispered.

 

He wanted Seokmin to be close, feeling a sort of attachment to the undead boy, a small fear settling in his pit when he imagined for a second what it would be like without him around anymore. He extended an arm, beckoning Seokmin closer and closer until he was within reach. He couldn’t bring himself to grab the ghost’s hand, knowing that even if he tried, his own would simply pass through, unable to hold onto the life that was no longer truly there. He kept his hands in place as Seokmin stood still.

 

"I don't really want you to leave,” Soonyoung began to express his concern, “but I'm afraid of what might happen to you if you stay."

 

Seokmin carefully wrapped his hand around Soonyoung’s, making it appear that he was holding it, and even if neither could feel the other, they could at least be comforted by the illusion of it. Soonyoung wondered if the action was only for the sake of comfort, but he hoped for otherwise.

 

"Nothing's happened to me for thirty years, so I'm sure nothing will happen if I stay. I don't even know what my regret  _ is _ . Maybe I'll never find out. But I think by now I’m okay with that. I’m enjoying my time nowadays."

 

That idea was almost equally as upsetting to Soonyoung.

 

"But if you never find out then you'll always be regretting."

 

Seokmin as best as he could, brushed Soonyoung’s hand with his thumb.

 

"I might regret leaving you behind more than never finding why I'm here."

 

They faced each other as the sun rose higher and the day established itself, and they remained in silence as they steeped themselves of each other’s lingering words.

 

~~

 

Talking to Seokmin was more than talking to a non-living once-living being. It was more than talking to himself and more than talking to something that wasn't there. To Soonyoung, talking to Seokmin was something that brought peace to his mind. There was something about being the ghost's only companion that made him happy, that there was no one else the ghost could go to. No matter what Soonyoung did that might disappoint him, Seokmin could only ever come back to him. And being the only ghost around that Soonyoung knew of, Soonyoung really was the only person he could turn to. Neither minded, finding comfort in the fact. And while it was ghosts that drove Soonyoung out of his old town, it was  _ this _ ghost that gave him a new home.

 

"When did you move here?" Seokmin asked as he fiddled a finger through the spines of the books still in the corner of the room, still without a place to go but there. 

 

"It wasn’t that long ago. It was around when we met. March?"

 

"You moved in March? Isn't that a weird time to move?”

 

Soonyoung shrugged. “It is really that weird?”

 

“Isn’t it easier finding a place in the summer? Why March?"

 

"Nightmares," Soonyoung said after a pause.  _ Nightmares caused by ghosts _ , he thought. "They were so bad that I couldn’t sleep well and it started affecting my health. They kept getting worse no matter what I tried and I got really anxious because I was afraid my dreams would catch me in reality. Moving was the last solution I could think of."

 

"What caused them? The nightmares, I mean."

 

"Uh, crickets, I guess," he lied. "Cricket seasons were too intense and I couldn't take it anymore."

 

"Hmmm," Seokmin responded. He flipped open the hard cover of the book on top of the stack, not pursuing the topic further. He closed the book, and then flipped it open again. "Why do you think I can touch things like this," he demonstrated by turning the pages, "But I can't touch you?"

 

Soonyoung had noticed it, too. It was strange. Seokmin would touch  _ things _ , but not  _ him _ , and  _ he _ could touch Seokmin’s  _ stopwatch _ , but not  _ Seokmin _ . Wasn’t that a little unfair of the universe?

 

"Maybe…” Soonyoung waved his hand back and forth and watched as it passed through Seokmin’s arm every time. “Maybe it's because they're not living things. And..."

 

He couldn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t want to say it out loud.

 

"And neither am I?" Seokmin filled in the blank.

 

Soonyoung lowered his voice. "And neither are you."

 

Seokmin shouldn't have been in the world still, but Soonyoung wondered if it was okay for them to defy the natural order of things. Could ghosts even be considered as part of the natural order of things? Either way, Seokmin being there in the first place was disrupting some such order, probably… but did they really have to bring that order back? Wasn't the world supposed to naturally driven to entropy? Did it make a difference that they didn't try to create order again? Was Soonyoung just making excuses? With Soonyoung finally having a place to call home, he didn’t want his home to disappear just because that was the way the world was supposed to be. Seokmin had become his home enough that he no longer felt a duty to let him rest in peace, and he hoped that he had become enough of a home for Seokmin to not want to eternally rest either.

 

~~

 

And then, another one came. 

 

Somehow, another one came to find them as the two of them were browsing through the mini-cakes on display in a bakery. Another ghost came to them as Soonyoung popped a just-bought mini-cake in his mouth and promptly mustered an effort to not choke on it upon seeing the ghost. As soon as he saw the figure walk up to their table, he knew he wasn’t human. 

 

His name was Jeonghan.

 

“Can I talk to just you?” he asked Soonyoung, and after Soonyoung and Seokmin looked at each other in confusion, Seokmin warily left for them to speak.

 

Jeonghan was slim and pale, almost sickly so, but very charismatic, his medium-length dark hair just brushing his lashes in such a way that Soonyoung wondered what occupation he could have had to be able to give such a gaze. When Jeonghan turned to make sure Seokmin was far enough away, though, Soonyoung felt his daze dissolve as his curiosity solidified. Why couldn’t Seokmin hear what the ghost in front of him was going to say next?

 

“Seokmin…” Jeonghan started.   
  
_ Seokmin? This ghost knew Seokmin? How? Did they meet before after death? Or perhaps they knew each other when they were both alive? _

 

“I was the one who killed Seokmin.”

 

_ He was… What? _

 

Jeonghan studied Soonyoung’s bewildered expression.

 

“You heard me right. I killed him.”

 

Soonyoung’s lips moved, a thousand questions bumbling in his mind, but none were able to make their way out into an audible message. Jeonghan still seemed to hear the most important ones.

 

“I was his rival when we were alive. Well, he was  _ my _ rival, but I don’t know if I was ever considered  _ his _ . I was always the best in track and field through middle school, but all of a sudden, when I got into high school, suddenly, I wasn’t. Seokmin was. He moved from another district and as  _ soon _ as he joined the club, my title of the ace flew out the window. I don’t know why he moved there in the first place, our school wasn’t even  _ known _ for any kind of sports. Except maybe basketball, but that’s it.

 

“But anyways, he was the best runner by  _ far _ . I couldn’t even come close to where he was, and he was always the one everyone cheered for. No one ever doubted him in any competition. He just never lost. And as the years went by, I was never able to catch up to him, and I became more and more bitter about it. He took away my pride without even trying - ”

 

“But he  _ did _ try,” Soonyoung interrupted He might have still been in the dark about a lot of things regarding Seokmin’s life, but he knew for sure that Seokmin tried his best at running. “I mean, he ran every morning —er, I think every morning—t o shorten his time. Just because you didn’t see it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. You can’t just assume he didn’t do anything to get to where he was.”

 

Jeonghan pursed his lips. “I know. It was wrong of me, and I knew it the moment I made that mistake. I didn’t even stop to think about it. I was so busy trying to get a grasp of his schedule in order to find the right time to attack him that I didn’t even notice that I found out about his daily practices. I was dumb, and Seokmin had to pay for it. And being as dumb as I am, I took him out right before for finals and buried his body, but then I couldn’t even bring myself to compete. I knew what I did was unfair, and I felt so guilty about it I couldn’t live anymore. I locked myself up in my room for months afterwards and eventually my mental and physical health deteriorated so much I got myself really sick. I basically died wasting away…”

 

The harsh sound of coffee beans being ground covered the silence between them, Jeonghan having exhausted his story and Soonyoung struggling to find an appropriate response. The door opened and a jingle followed a customer into the shop, following another customer out. Soonyoung’s half-eaten mini cake looked not a bit appetizing anymore, his hunger filled by a story he didn’t expect to hear. He bit his bottom lip before speaking.

 

“So you regret killing Seokmin, and that’s why you’re still in this world?”

 

Jeonghan shook his head.

 

“If that were the case, I would never be able to leave, since there’s no way of bringing Seokmin back to life.”

 

That would have been punishment enough for such a horrible sin, but was Soonyoung really fit to be the one to judge?

 

“Then…”

 

“I was never able to tell anyone about it, and that’s what I regretted most. I died in a hospital bed, so everyone was able to know what happened to me, but Seokmin… He was never found and never even got a proper funeral.”

 

“So then, since I know about this, your regret is resolved?”

 

Jeonghan smiled sadly. “I trust that you’ll be able to find his body and bring him justice. Take care of Seokmin for me, okay? Sorry to leave such a burden to you.”

 

Soonyoung nodded in understanding.

 

“One last question, though. Well, two. First of all, how come you’re able to remember all this? How do you remember your past life, but Seokmin can’t?”

 

“I don’t have an answer for that, sorry. I don’t even know which one of us is the weird one, for remembering or for not remembering.”

 

“I guess I shouldn’t expect you to know everything. It’s not like you’re told these things when you die.”

 

“Nope. I don’t even really know what comes next.” Jeonghan shrugged. “What was your second question?”

 

Soonyoung glanced over and Seokmin, who was outside the bakery waiting for a signal to come back. “Why didn’t you tell Seokmin about this earlier if you knew?”

 

“Because I knew he couldn’t remember. He didn’t even notice me when I found him running the same path he did every morning when he was alive. I knew that he didn’t know who I was or why he was there. So, I thought he would be happier never knowing.”   
  
“Then why are you telling me this now? What made you change your mind?”

 

“I saw you two visit the school. It seemed like you were looking for answers, so I thought it was finally time for him to know. Well, I guess it was time for  _ you _ to know.  _ You’re _ alive, so  _ you _ have the power to bring Seokmin peace. Whether you want to tell  _ him _ that, I’ll let you decide.”

 

But that was why Soonyoung had been conflicted in the first place. At first, it was that he didn’t know if he could really find out what had happened, but now it was that he didn’t know if he wanted to find out. Now that the answer fell in front of him, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to accept it. 

 

“So… what happens now?”

 

“Now, I can finally leave this world, after a long 30 years of not being seen or heard. And now, you can help Seokmin leave, too.”

 

Soonyoung swallowed, but it made his throat drier than before.

 

~~

 

Soonyoung’s finger consistently tapped his side as he stared at Seokmin’s hand. For being unable to touch it, it was so vivid, so real, so in this world, and even though Soonyoung knew it was there, even if he reached for it, even if came as close as he could to feeling the flesh that wasn’t there, it wasn’t there. Even though he was able to touch Seokmin’s stopwatch, that was the full extent of what was tangible. It was frustrating, knowing full well that Seokmin was  _ there _ , right in front of his eyes like a  _ taunt _ , and he could rest his hand on top of it, but nothing would  _ register _ in his brain that contact was happening. Because Seokmin was someone no longer in this world, Soonyoung couldn’t ever hope for anything more. 

 

And because Seokmin was no longer part of this world, it only made sense for Soonyoung to help him properly leave.

 

“Is there something wrong?” asked a concerned Seokmin when Soonyoung hadn’t said a word in quite some time. 

 

There was so much to say, but Soonyoung didn’t have the means so say anything until he made up his mind for sure. Whether it was to lie to keep Seokmin by his side, or reveal the truth to let Seokmin rest and stop the torment, he had to decide. He couldn’t stay in this indecisive limbo forever.

 

“Do you know how you died?”

 

Seokmin looked at him with uncertainty.

 

“What do you mean? We both know I don’t remember.”

 

Soonyoung covered his eyes, leaning forward in frustration. A scream tried to escape his lungs but he wouldn’t let it. Seokmin raised his voice slightly.   
  
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

 

What was wrong was that an awful choice was put into his hands. If he decided  _ not _ to tell Seokmin anything, he would live in guilt, knowing that he could be the one hurting Seokmin by keeping him there. If he decided to tell Seokmin what he heard from Jeonghan, it would  _ still _ hurt him. There was no easy answer, and Soonyoung knew which he would rather do, but it wasn’t what he thought he should.

 

“Soonyoung?”

 

Soonyoung raised himself back up and looked Seokmin in the eyes. 

 

“Do you want to know?”

 

“... Huh?”

 

“Do you want to know how you died?”

 

Seokmin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but with Soonyoung not breaking his gaze, he expression turned into one of hesitation.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

~~

 

His feet sunk slightly with every step into the damp soil, even dead leaves were so soggy that there was no sign of a crunch. It smelled strange, the forest, but what else should he expect when he came the day after rain? 

 

Soonyoung had been treading for a good ten minutes off the trail where Jeonghan told him to before. Turn left at the boulder that resembles a saddle that could also look like a thumbs-up when viewed at a 90 degree angle, and then walk about half a mile. Stop when there is a tree with a splintered split branch and a hollow in its trunk that looks more like a triangle than an oval. They were somewhat vague of directions, but they were sufficient.

 

Here, Soonyoung concluded when he spotted the tree. He circled its perimeter, unsure of where to start. He felt dumb to forget to bring any kind of digging tool, seeing as how he was going to dig, but he figured it would be okay. All he had to do was dig until he found the body, he didn’t have to dig so deep that he would be able to remove it.

 

He picked a random spot around the tree, kneeling down on one knee, hands ready to get dirty, when Seokmin stopped him.

 

“Not there,” he said. He had been silent the entire trip there and only spoke up now. He scanned the area, walking slowly around the tree’s perimeter, testing each step before pointing down on the other side of the tree from where Soonyoung was. “Here.”

 

Soonyoung felt a chill run down his body, suddenly unsure if he was mentally prepared to dig up a body when he had never seen even an animal corpse in real life. But this was for Seokmin, he told himself. He was doing this to save Seokmin from this world, and that should have been a good enough reason for him to prepare himself. He clenched his jaw and began to brush off debris before trying to scoop out the dirt, but he underestimated how difficult this task would be. He found a thick branch nearby and used that instead of his hands, but he still ran into obstacles. He didn’t know how many times the stick got tangled in roots or how times he would have to focus on getting a single troublesome rock out of the way. Seokmin couldn’t help much, as he was only able to move light objects. There was no way he could dig through the tightly packed earth. There was no choice but to leave the burden of digging to Soonyoung..

 

Sweat ran down Soonyoung’s face and back, the humid air preventing moisture from escaping his skin. His arms were on fire and his hands were in blisters and he was really starting to regret not bringing a shovel. It would have been strange though, he realized, for someone to bring a shovel up to the mountains during the day, and in the end, coming empty-handed was the best choice. Either way, it was too late for regrets and continuing his task of digging was the only way forwards.

 

Both of them held their breaths when a crinkling noise came from the ground. Soonyoung’s heart was already working hard to rush blood into his muscles, but adrenaline was suddenly pumping it harder. He put aside his digging stick as Seokmin stepped back, a small whimper coming from him. Soonyoung stayed where he was, waiting for Seokmin to say something. When no words were spoken, he leaned forward and slowly, ever so slowly, he brought his hand to where the noise came from.

 

“Wait… Soonyoung…”

 

He didn’t wait. He couldn’t anymore. He carefully swept aside the chunks of dirt as the earth revealed a black plastic bag buried where they were. It was just as Jeonghan had described it, the convenience store bag wrapped around a head. Soonyoung’s breaths shook as he used both hands to grip and pull apart the plastic bag. As old as it was, the bag was just as stretchy and pliable, and if he didn’t know better, he could have been fooled to think that it was only placed underground yesterday. Plastic really didn’t deteriorate with time.

 

Humans, however, did.

 

There was nothing remaining besides bones, a skull clean of anything else that could be called human, but Soonyoung could see it, the high school boy that it used to be. He could only see a small portion of it, the rest still buried deeply, but he knew that he found him. He found Lee Seokmin. Soonyoung’s core shook agitatedly in an overwhelmingly deep sorrow and he couldn’t stop gasping, his lungs desperate for air despite being provided plenty. It finally dawned on him that Seokmin was  _ dead _ . Though he knew it, that the ghost was merely something left behind by someone who was gone, it didn’t register until now. And seeing the bones buried without care or a companion, he could only imagine how lonely it had been for Seokmin for the past three decades, who ran and ran and ran to find an answer he couldn't find. 

 

With trembling fingers, Soonyoung lightly grazed his hand against the visible part of the skull. The sight of it put him in a chokehold and his heart was being chucked again and again violently against his ribcage as he finally,  _ finally _ knew what it was like to touch Seokmin. He stroked the crown as hot tears filmed his eyes, gently, so gently, cherishing the textured cold bones that couldn't receive such love for far too long.

 

If Jeonghan hadn't made such a mistake back then, would Seokmin still have been alive today?

 

Soonyoung grasped the hem of his shirt tightly, bellowing from the too severe feeling of loneliness he suddenly experienced, crying for Seokmin, the ghost who sat beside him in stillness, and the bones that lay still mostly in the ground. He cried because Seokmin wasn't able to and he cried because Seokmin could only find out the truth now after all this time. He cried because he was too late to save him when he knew there was no way he could have possibly even tried to. He cried for Seokmin, but to a greater degree, he cried for himself, who knew that discovering the lost remains of the once living Seokmin meant that the ghost who accompanied him would no longer be by his side. He cried for himself, and he knew it was absolutely selfish, but he cried anyways in an attempt to empty his feelings in the form of tears. 

 

When Soonyoung exhausted himself of his cries, Seokmin finally spoke up.

 

“I know why I turned into a ghost. I remember what my regret was.”

 

Soonyoung knew it was coming. It had to have been. 

 

“I thought I would die without anyone ever finding me. I remember when Jeonghan called me to this place, I thought it was strange, but I didn’t question it. We were talking about the competition but then he suddenly stabbed me and… and I was suddenly scared for my life, but I was also scared that I would leave this world forgotten. No one would remember me, no one would know where I went. I would just… disappear.”

 

Soonyoung didn't look up at the ghost, knowing full well that if he did, he might start crying again. 

 

“So,” he managed to muster. “You’re ready to leave, then.”

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready if it means leaving you behind.”

 

Looking away from Seokmin didn't work, nor did biting his lip to the point of tasting metal, as the tears that stopped flowing started once again. He let out an unsteady breath to calm himself, but the tears didn’t stop. Unable to hide it, he raised his head to look Seokmin in the eyes. Feeling his mouth curled downward hideously and sniffling sporadically, he asked in hopes that his premonition might be wrong.

 

“But?”

 

Seokmin balled his hands into fists, and Soonyoung could see that this was just as hard for the ghost. None of this was easy.

 

“But I have to leave now.”

 

Soonyoung knew he couldn't stop him but had to try anyways. If there was the smallest chance that he could convince Seokmin to stay, as if the decision was his to make, then he would take it.

 

“Don’t leave me,” he whispered. 

 

Seokmin kneeled down to be eye-level with Soonyoung, making the motions to wipe the boy’s tears away without being properly able to. Soonyoung cried harder, seeing that even in their goodbyes, this was the closest they came to touching each other.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

~~

 

Soonyoung stepped off the platform with sure steps, checking on his phone for the map, making sure he was going in the right direction for the eighth time, continuing his way when he confirmed his path, asking one passerby just in case. When he found the building he was looking for, he took a deep breath at the door —he still had to prepare himself before talking to people in official positions— before heaving it open. An electronic bell rang above him, and a man at the desk greeted him.

 

“Hi, what can we help you with today?”

 

Seokmin wasn't there anymore, his regret now resolved with Soonyoung finding him when he thought no one ever would, but Soonyoung couldn't be satisfied with just that. He couldn't be satisfied and he wouldn’t stop until the rest of the world remembered the name Lee Seokmin.

 

“I would like to report a dead body.”

**Author's Note:**

> The End!! Thank you for reading~


End file.
